Saturday, January 24, 2009


What does it mean to live?

Such a simple question for such an overwhelmingly cosmic answer, an answer that every member of humanity is searching for every day. So, I found myself asking G-d, once more....

What does it mean to live?

Living means never listening to fear.

It means knowing when to say yes, when to say no, and when to wait with patience.
It also means accepting that I'll always eventually make the wrong choice.

It means diving into the unknown.
It also means appreciating the scrapes, bruises, and cuts I get when I do dive.

It means letting go of even the most simple plans the moment that G-d changes them.
It also means loving Him and praising Him every time this happens.

It is a dynamic, challenging, changing cacophony of music and silence, emotion and logic, need and desire.
It is as steady as the quiet, constant movement of a tectonic plate.

It is held within the most simple of glances, encapsulated by wordless communication.
It is held within a quiet whisper and vanishes the moment I attempt to grasp it.

Friday, January 2, 2009

another new year

As usual, I've tried gathering my thoughts and found their coherence lacking.

What effect has this past year had upon my life? What lessons have a learned, what trials have made me stronger? Which ones made me weaker? With how quickly the last six months of that year passed, even three weeks have been too little time to process everywhere I have been, all the people I have met, and all the lessons I have learned.

Out of it all, only one lesson truly rises above the murky surface of my musings. I've spent too much of this past year being swayed by fears, by the faint whisperings of the possible detrimental effects. It's not to say that my attention to these whispers has always or even often resulted in decisions different than those which I would have made, but they have been unofficial guides that I refuse to recognize any more. G-d is my Anchor, my Saviour, my Source. Only in Him do I ever truly live, and without Him, I slowly wither away.

My resolution for the new year? I don't have one. I could spend hours trying to make a list and fail to even write down one thing. I just want.... G-d. I want to be directed by Him, healed by Him, and sustained by Him.

And I know He will. I look at this past year... I gained another best friend, more patience than I thought I could contain, and learned more about what it means to be myself. I've been shaped by world travels, sharpened by so many amazing people, pulled closer to my Lord and Saviour. Life never stops changing, never stops challenging, never stops pulling me away from what I am comfortable with, but it never stops being...

and utterly,


Asking for time to decipher the signs...

What is there to know? I'm just another guy trying to figure out what it means to truly love, to truly live, to embrace life to the fullest. If I ever get some answers, I'll let you know. "So live on, / Breathing in every sigh / Hurt and joy / Truly living life to its fullness / Leaving no dream unturned / Or unfulfilled / Live on / Life awaits" -excerpt from "Nostalgia" by me.